Dear Journal,

I can't really explain this mood I'm in right now, except for two words: it sucks.

(Okay, maybe a few more.)

Ever since I got home from my friend's house today, I've been feeling rather numb and dead tree-like on the inside. It isn't sadness or anger or even worry/fear (which I've experienced a lot of these past couple of weeks)... it's absolutely nothing. Like a cold wind is blowing through the branches of my soul and slowly freezing over my heart.

(Alright, I know that was a little dramatic, but I think you get the picture.)

As my dear friend Rachel Rush would put it: "I'm a full-time Debbie Downasaur livin' the hot mess life in Emoland, Pennsylvania." Or something like that.

Although I'm pretty sure the main reason for my unwarranted crankiness is sleep deprivation, it's really starting to hit me that a) with the amount of schoolwork and workwork I have this week, my spring break is basically non-existent, b) there is 33% chance that I could be stuck working at the grocery store this summer and develop the mentality of a 50-year-old woman before my third semester of college, and c) all this cold weather (aka my excuse to transform into a gluttonous sloth) has caused me to fit into my old gray skinny-not-skinny jeans. Snugly. No bueno.

The thing is, I've been experiencing these constant mood swings for the past week. One minute I'm all "Hooray for rainbow swirls and sugarplum fairies! :D" and the next minute I'm spiraling into the dark abyss of despair/contemplating everything that's wrong in the world (and by world I mean my life). I can't even put my finger on what causes the sudden change in attitude- it just happens. I could be in an overall above average mood all day and then collapse onto the couch with my mom and cry into my teddy bear's fur until 1 AM for no logical reason (which actually happened about a week ago.) The only thing I can do about it besides pray and read my Bible and hope for it to pass is to try and sleep it off, which usually works pretty well (unless of course I have insomnia for three nights in a row, which also happened last week.)

I think the best comparison for me right now is to Lotso Huggin' Bear in Toy Story 3: one minute he's all cuddly strawberry-scented sweetness, the next minute something snaps and he goes on a tyrannical toy-slaughtering rampage.

...hopefully I don't turn out as bad as Lotso.

-Kati