So...

Can I take just a moment to blog about how much I love life?

Seriously, I have felt more blessed these past few days than I can remember feeling in a really long time. The best part about it is that I'm not on some temporary spiritual/emotional high or anything like that. I'm really, truly, genuinely overwhelmed with gratitude to God. These past couple of nights I've just lied in bed and thought, "Thank you. Thank you. Thank you," over and over and over again because there's just nothing else to say to Him.

This weekend had its fair share of challenges, and I don't mean that in a little way. Being attacked by allergies the day of senior prom, feeling like you're about to hurl after taking one too many allergy pills on a nearly empty stomach, almost getting lost on the way to your best friend's house to comfort her after a bad breakup thanks to some very confusing GPS directions, and staying up until almost 1 o' clock the night before going on a day trip to Washington D.C. working on a creative writing assignment that you end up having to redo because you didn't save it correctly and you're already run down by sickness and exhaustion in the first place... well, they may not seem like much in the grand scheme of things, but lemme tell ya, after the last one happened I was one more disaster away from checking myself into an insane asylum.

But through the ups and the downs, you know what I kept telling myself? "It's just the way I like it." Honest to God (you can ask Him yourself!), I repeated that phrase in my head so many times this weekend it wasn't even close to being funny. Normally this type of attitude lasts for... eh, maybe five seconds or so, and then it's back to my Debbie Downer pity party throwing self.

But not this time. This time, I was able to say the words and actually mean them. I put my trust in God through every single bump in the road, and guess what? He delivered.

Gotta love that guy.

-Kati

Whoa there God... you got me.

So, for a really really long time this year, I was angry. I was hurt. I was jealous. I was bitter. I was cupping all of these painful emotions in my palms and refusing to let them go even though I knew I had to if I ever wanted to live freely in Christ. But some stubborn little corner of my being with a really strong grip wouldn't let that happen... not without a fight at least.

To be honest, I'm not really sure what brought about the change. I don't remember ever having a ginormous epiphany and being like "OMG! I don't have to be angry anymore! Yay for happiness and rainbows!" I think it was a gradual process of God slowly loosening my fingers from around the need I felt for justification until, finally, I didn't feel it anymore.

And you know what? It feels great.

A Glass Surface

Her world is made of porcelain,
One fall and it
Shatters.
Pick up the pieces, glue them together
"There now, see? All better,"
She tells herself
As the wheel continues spinning, spinning
Spinning
Out of her control.
Here she sheds a tear, there
A muffled sob
But she will not let herself be
Broken, no
No one must see
The cracks in the porcelain.